Second Guessing

So....I know many of you have not been happy with me, and I know a few of you were beginning to think there was something wrong with your Internet connection. Your connections are fine. I am just a huge slacker. I know we have totally left everyone hanging for a couple of months. At first I got behind with the blog due to our move and all the craziness involved with the new house. Then, most of the summer I just simply didn't feel up to it. Lately, I have been so incredibly busy I can't even think straight. I don't even know if I can begin to catch you up and I promise I won't go on and on about how busy things have been. I especially won't talk about how fast time flies either. Hopefully you haven't abandoned us and will check one last time to see if I have updated yet (only to be amazed that there is actually a new post).

I have heard through the grapevine that you are wanting to see pics of the house. I don't blame you. We are currently working on "operation decoration" and I promise pics will come soon. We absolutely LOVE our house and could not be happier. It is nice to actually have our own home. So comforting.

I have been settling into my job at Clarksville Academy, a private school here in Clarksville. I accepted a full time position earlier this summer. I am soooo out of my element in 5th grade (I'll just be honest). It is getting easier and I am beginning to get a good grip on the curriculum, but I miss the younger ones. It is also quite an adjustment to return to work after having stayed home for 2 years. I am slowly adjusting...key word being slowly. I tend to be a perfectionist and don't know if I will ever learn that I can't do everything perfectly, or everything period. I am having a hard time doing anything but working and that makes me so sad. I just don't know. I love the actual teaching part, but all the other headaches that go along with it....I just don't know. I think this is the first week I haven't had a major breakdown.

I say none of this for sympathy or to be dramatic. It is just how things have been going. I have maybe cooked two meals since school began (I have the most amazing husband EVER). My house is a little dusty. I just sent birthday presents to my two sister-in-laws last Friday, September 4th. Their birthdays were the 15th and 22nd of August. I haven't returned my friend Julie's email from the week we were on vacation (last week of July). I did not run one single mile this week. I come home from school, eat dinner, work some more and pass out in exhaustion. It is now Friday night and I am laying here in bed watching TV while my husband is attending a "hail and farewell" dinner that I am too exhausted to attend myself. My list goes on and on.

I really tried to focus on what I really wanted to do while I spent 2 years away from teaching. I felt like maybe it was a chance to try something new, but was not exactly sure what that was. I was never really sure if I wanted to go back to the classroom or not, and as other things in my life have not exactly worked out like planned (not that life should be planned), I decided maybe I should go back to teaching full time. It has been and still is a rough beginning. I know things will get easier and with God's help I will get through it all. As for my future with teaching...I am being totally honest when I say I am not sure what will happen beyond this year.

Wow! I probably sound super negative huh? I didn't mean to turn this post into a sad sob story. I guess it is just how I am feeling tonight. I really am fine and hopeful most days. I am hoping for a restful weekend. I was so tired this afternoon I thought I would fall asleep driving home from across town. That is sad! I promise to try and be better at posting and we'll update you on the house soon. I hope you all have a restful weekend too!